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WHAT DOES IT MEAN | |
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Dr. Harry Benjamin years ago, although he did not coin the term, came to define what was transsexualism. He made it clear that it was a condition that clearly was not a linkage to homosexuality nor was it a fetishism as is the case with transvestism. Over time he came to realize that it was an inborn condition although there was not much in the way of definitive indications supported by viable research at that time. Today much research supports Dr. Benjamin’s thesis and many doctors, therapists, researchers, etc. have slowly come to the conclusion that what had been commonly referred to as transsexualism can now be treated as a congenital biological condition caused by what is seen as an error occurring during the hormonal fetal wash cycle in the womb. It is a mistake of nature and not a condition at all linked to nurture. Many of us, especially those who have had corrective surgery, are leading the effort to have our condition no longer defined as transsexualism nor linked to the social construct of transgenderism which is an umbrella term for many sexual and fetish variants which should not include those born with Harry Benjamin Syndrome, (HBS). We also feel, and latest research supports our contention, that we were born with bodies opposite our inherent brain sex. That is more easily explained as being intersexed since it must surely be seen as a physical contradiction to the brain sex. Now Harry Benjamin Syndrome, (HBS), explains the condition simply as an intersexed anomaly. The brain cannot be ‘rewired’ so the only alternative is that the body be hormonally prepared for the genital surgery needed to meld body to brain. We call that sexually affirming one’s sex to the brain, Sexual Affirmation Surgery, (SAS). No longer is the syndrome needed to be defined as being sexually reassigned since only one aspect of our body was affected, not the brain but the body brought in line with the brain. So the corrective genital surgery might now be seen simply as affirming the body to the brain sex. Many of course will continue to see our condition as being transsexualism and many others, for whatever their reasons, will list transsexualism as a sub-set of transgender. Of course that is not correct and never was but for some they found comfort in not being linked to any term with ‘sex’ in it. Now they, those with true HBS, have no reason to make any claim but that they were born with the syndrome. We ask that a competent psychiatrist or therapist dealing with the condition to make a reasonable confirmation that the patient has Harry Benjamin Syndrome. It should not simply be a claim made by someone that they suffer from HBS as has often been done in the past with transsexualism. It should be a verifiable medical condition as is the proper procedure with almost all physical maladies. Of course there will be some who will continue to use transsexualism and transgenderism to cover and mask what they really might be, sexual fetishists, sex merchants, exhibitionist, cross-dressers, delusional transvestites who ‘go the extra step’ and opt to have a ‘sex change’ so as to enhance their fetishism. They wish to mimic women but do not have the inborn need to be women physically reflective of the brain. Many call themselves lifelong pre-ops and even non-ops and never desire the affirmation surgery. To refer to them as having HBS is not only a misnomer but also an insult to those who actually have the syndrome and to those who have had corrective surgery that affirmed their body to their brains. We strongly claim that Harry Benjamin Syndrome IS NOT a mental disorder nor should it be labeled in any way a psychiatric illness. It is simply what it is: a physical condition that is remedied by corrective surgery. In fact studies show that those who suffer from the condition and the result of their confusion of feeling ‘different’ and not realizing that a remedy is available often give up and some even commit suicide. But for those who do survive and have the affirmation surgery not only reduce the incidences of suicide but actually have a lesser percentage of suicides that the population average. If Harry Benjamin Syndrome were not a viable condition then one would actually expect the suicide rate to increase post operatively as a result of a drastically mistaken conclusion. But, as pointed out, the opposite is true. Harry Benjamin Syndrome is not in any way connected to sexual orientation nor should it be ever be compared to any deviance. It is a medical anomaly that often is compared to other conditions wrongly thereby causing great stress upon those with the syndrome being put into categories in which they do not and should not be placed. Those with HBS do not change gender and do not suffer from what had been commonly classified as transsexualism. Their brain gender at birth was not in need of correction even if that were possible. And, in reality, those born with HBS do not need to trans their sex since the brain sex was already set and only the genital sex needed correction so as to be affirmed with the brain.
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I first researched HBS issues, when I was just shy of 14 (in the summer of 1977). There wasn't much information available then, but what information I was able to find, finally explained to me why it felt so wrong having a male body. Even back then, there were indications (if you were willing to do some digging) that HBS (or transsexuality as it was known then) had a biological cause. To me HBS classification means, that finally a conscious effort is being made to classify what I had for most of my life, as what I've always felt it was, a BIOLOGICAL VARIATION FROM THE NORM. In other words, it is NOT a psychological condition, but a form of intersex. I remember when the transgender term first came into vogue (In the late 90s), as a sort of umbrella term to politically bring together disparate groups for political reasons. I didn't much care for it (I'm not into identity politics) but I tolerated it for the first couple of years or so. This all changed in 2000, when people started to proclaim that transsexuals (which I considered myself at the time), were just relatives to crossdressers, drag queens, shemales, etc. I took issue then (as I do now) with this proclamation, since my behavior is nothing like theirs (which is usually sexual lifestyle related). I am not into fetishism (which most transgender behavior seems to be rooted in). During this same time period (the late 90s, and 2000), certain “experts” began proclaiming that gender is mutable, and is psychologically based. To me, for it to be psychological in nature, would mean I had compulsions or irrational urges to “dress up” like transgenders do. I never had these. There was no thrill in wearing woman's clothes; it was more a case of wearing what seemed natural and appropriate for me. I'm usually a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl, because in my daily life they're more practical. I do not get off on wearing dresses and formal wear, like the CDs I used to see at a certain “gender support group” I used to belong to. I also took issue with the transgender mentality, that stated that you change your gender, when you finally start living in the sex you know you are (deep inside). Myself, and other HBSers never had a problem with our brain gender, we may have hid it behind masculine layers for a long time to protect ourselves, but it has always been feminine. Another fact I give to support this claim, is anecdotal evidence I have for myself, and other HBS people I know. People have always commented how “our behavior seems so natural”, and “gee, we really must have had to practice to act/behave the way we do.” Not so. As studies that have come to light have shown, since our brain sex is female, this behavior is automatic, and therefore as natural as breathing is. As a matter of fact, it was much harder for us to hide our female behavior, and act male. Unlike transgenders, who oftentimes play act out a female role (and look completely and utterly phony in the process), this is no act for HBSers. In the past it was acceptable for an HBS person to be called a transsexual. Unfortunately, this term has basically been stolen by transgender people, and autogynephilics. Both of whom, often loudly proclaim themselves as being transsexual. Their reasoning is completely at odds with what an HBS person is. A person who has HBS feels at odds with their body. It feels so wrong that it eventually becomes emotionally painful to even deal with having a body of the wrong sex. Living in the proper sex role is good, but it is not enough, because you are still stuck with that hated sex organ that is so utterly wrong on your body, to the point, that you often feel a terrible sense of duality. Once again this is due to the brain sex being the opposite of what your body is. Your brain sex tells you what kind of body image (male or female) you should have. As a result of this, there is no question as to whether or not a person with HBS will have SAS surgery. It's just a matter whether or not the funds to pay for the surgery can be obtained. Oftentimes the financial cost of SAS is so heavy for HBSers that they wind up having to declare bankruptcy. Nevertheless, the surgery is undertaken, because there is no other way of dealing with HBS. By contrast, transgenders who claim they are transsexual, usually do not have SAS. Thye oftentimes use excuses such as: they have health problems (something which would never stop a HBSer from having SAS); or they don't want a loss of sexual sensation (this is a non-issue for a HBSer), or my wife will leave me if I have SAS, etc. Autogynephillics have no problem with their bodies (unlike HBSers). In their case, it seems to be a case of crossdressing being taken to an extreme. For them it isn't just enough to wear women's clothes, they also want to wear a woman's body, because they find the thought of having a woman's body to be a sexual turn-on. Transgenders and autogynephillics who have SAS, oftentimes wind up having serious regrets about having it, due to the fact that their fantasy turns out not to be the be-all end-all they thought it would be. Unfortunately, due to the fact that many Transgenders,and autogynephiles have had SAS, they have given the public the misconception that they are the same as HBSers. People who suffer from HBS are actually pretty rare compared to transgenders and autogynephiles. Identifying those whose condition was biological in nature, as having HBS, separates us from the transsexual classification, and the negative connotations, that have become associated with this word. It also helps to emphasize the fact that once you have had SAS, you have dealt with HBS, and are done dealing with the condition, which helps to avoid one of the weaknesses that the the word transsexual has – HBSers who are are past-SAS still considering themselves as”post-op transsexuals”, even though the “transing” of sex is done. Yes, the time has come to break away from the transsexual term, and embrace a term that conotates that our condition is what the noted physician Dr. Harry Benjamin felt it was – biological in nature. Harry Benjamin Syndrome is what we suffered from.
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Growing up with Harry Benjamin’s Syndrome, for me, was living a life of quiet, desperate isolation. Think of what it might be like, at 4 years of age, knowing that your body was the opposite sex from how you inwardly felt. With no real understanding of sex or gender, other than knowing the basic premise that there were either boys or girls, imagine how that realization might shape you. For me it was an unending series of small battles fought within my turbulent mind. Everything I did, beheld, expressed, or endured – literally everything – was filtered through my skewed, shameful awareness. Where other children enjoyed the simple, carefree life of childhood – playing, exploring, making friends – I was focused on an ever-present yet unnameable ‘something’ wrong. My earliest memories are still among the most difficult and painful to recall. Even now, fifty-some years later, I remember the anger and confusion I felt when my older brother and I sat taking our baths together, him with his…thingy…and me with mine – how could that be, I wondered? I endured endless nights of falling asleep with tears on my pillow and a prayer on my lips begging God to let me awake as a girl. Then as I grew older I sought solace, living alone among my family and friends and schoolmates, isolated in my self-imposed exile. My horrible, unspeakable secret consumed me with guilt and shame. I felt hopelessly alone and beleaguered by a monstrous secret that I dare not share. Because I was withdrawn and uncommunicative I was perceived as ‘sensitive’. Oh if they had only known; if I had only been able to find the words and the strength to share with them my secret. If only…if only. As I grew older each year saw some other hurdle to overcome, another burden to bear, an embarrassing social faux pas to suffer. Life became dull, hopeless, colorless. Occasionally I would find an unexpected piece of the puzzle, only to have it slip through my fingers, unable to fully grasp its meaning. Puberty was like a slow-motion nightmare, inescapable by nature and made unendurable by the influx of testosterone. I witnessed my body transform itself into a hideous giant, devoid of any speck of femininity. I hit rock bottom where, amongst the other bottom dwellers, I found escape in drugs. After years of existing in a drug-induced stupor I became ultimately despondent, failing at every attempt at normalcy – including a brief marriage – to the point of suicide. Even failing that, I had nowhere left to go. So, after having exhausting every other avenue of approach, I changed direction and went to the library. I became infused with an overwhelming urge to discover my true self, to determine my ‘problem’, and hopefully to find some sort of answer to who I was and how to fix myself, to discover if it was even possible. I became enamored with the idea that somewhere there might be others like myself and I was driven to find them. I was inexhaustible in my quest, day after day, month after month, into another year I searched. I read, made inquiries and phone calls, wrote letters, and read some more. (This was in the mid-seventies, well before the internet!) In my new-found sanctuary, the library, I began to see a common thread running through some books on sex deviances which included transsexualism (as it was called then) and I finally made the connection. I immediately recognized myself reflected in the mirror of those pages, and I cried with the joy of discovery. Standing in the subdued atmosphere of a quiet and dimly lit library aisle I had finally found myself, and I wept with intensity such as only the lost can ever know. In that moment I was reborn, instilled with purpose and hope and direction. From that instant onward, every motion, every action, every incentive, every penny, every purpose, every motive, every thought focused on just one thing – changing my sex, to make my body right, to finally and irreversibly become the girl of my birth. Within a month I was in a doctor’s office for my first assessment; within three months I began hormone treatments; within a year I switched social gender roles, living full time as a female. And a mere two years after that cathartic moment in the library I finally corrected my lifelong ‘birth defect’ by having my physical sex surgically restored. Through this approach I was finally able to drop my learned ‘male’ essence and surrender fully and happily to my female identity; through this approach I found wholeness and selfhood and, finally, stillness within. How wonderful life became! How wonderful it still is twenty eight years later. I still occasionally get asked, what are you? Doctors often don’t know what to call me. “Are you…transgendered? Transsexual? Or…what?” they will ask. I respond, “Well, to point out the obvious, I’m a woman. I have a transsexual past, but I took care of that a long time ago. I’m no longer ‘afflicted’ by transsexualism any more than you are still afflicted with chicken pox. You may have once had it, but you are now cured, right? Well…try thinking of it like that. I changed my sex, I got cured, now I’m healed and whole and simply a woman.” “Yes, but I mean, aren’t you considered transgendered?” “I hope not. By whom? And just what is ‘transgendered’?” I ask. “Well…” (bemused look, pondering) “…I’m not sure exactly. Gender dysphoric?” “But I’m not gender dysphoric, I’m quite happy and satisfied with myself and my identity. How can I be considered gender dysphoric?” “Ah, well…good point. I just thought…” “You just thought? You just thought what? That I need a label? How about if I call you an anti-semite?” Deep, scornful frown, “Now wait a minute, hold on! That’s out of line, there’s no need to call me any such thing!” “As there is equally no need to label me. I am a woman, plain and simple. If you consider me transgendered, and don’t even know what it means, then you are not only misinformed but a fool as well. You’ve been duped by a clever undertaking by those who truly are gender confused, the true ‘transgendered’. They have their own agenda, to establish their so-called ‘rights’ as sex fetishists and deviants, to legitimize and further their social standing. To be categorized among them is not only an insult to me, but demeaning and humiliating as well. I am most assuredly not transgendered.” “Yes, well, I see that. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by inferring it.” Smiling, “Apology accepted.” In the scenario above, the simple act of visiting with a doctor reveals the widespread confusion and misinformation that the current term ‘transgender’ has created. By its unquestioned acceptance as a social construct – a nicer, cleaner, more socially ‘acceptable’ label than transsexual – we have taken a huge step backwards in our understanding of the people who suffer from HBS. Living with HBS is difficult enough, as I have hopefully portrayed. But adding transsexualism, or HBS as it is now known, to the umbrella term ‘transgendered’ is not only a disservice to the medical condition of HBS, but it goes further than that…it presents HBS people as undesirable curiosities or freaks. Isn’t there enough misinformation in the world without adding an extra burden of public scorn to people who desperately need help in attaining normalcy? The insidious nature of the term ‘transgender’ has been to obfuscate the true nature of HBS and turn it into a circus act in the minds of the lay public…and as I have shown, in the mind’s of doctors too. It’s time to take back our identity. HBS is not transgendered, it’s not transsexual, it’s not ‘trans’ anything…it’s simply HBS, a medical anomaly that began in the womb. It’s a syndrome, not a whim. It’s a treatable, curable medical condition, not a lifestyle. Let’s get a clue, let’s treat HBS people with the respect they deserve and stop perpetuating the myth of transgenderism. Kelly | |
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[Terminology] [Standard of Care (SOC)] [Definition] |
